


Peter Parker, the Mercenary

by lord_acies



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Deadpool is PG, Deadpool the hero, However. If Wade and Spidey accidentally did something stupid on his end of town..., It's hard to explain but they are still themselves just saltier or nicer respectively, M/M, Matt Murdock deserves more screentime, Peter Parker is an Avenger, Peter is a Little Shit, REMEMBER!!! Wade still dies and it still hurts but it is not permanent, Shit sucks or doesn't and they make their best of it, Spidey the Merc, Spidey the Mercenary, Spideypool will be teased at, but he probably won't get it, dark peter parker, dark!Peter, or rather he becomes one, plot bunny oneshot that flipped me the bird and became it's own story, possible sciencebros undertones
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-16 16:50:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9280556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lord_acies/pseuds/lord_acies
Summary: -TRANSFERRED FROM TUMBLR-Due to some odd twist of fate Peter and Wade's fortunes have been swapped. Poor Peter has endured emotional hit after hit, he gains the boxes and becomes a mercenary; at the same age, Wade Wilson was rescued from Weapon X by Captain America and joined the Avengers becoming a force for justice.





	1. Not the Best Idea

"All that power, all those swords and guns and you still can't go in for the kill." Peter sneers as he gracefully dodges Deadpool's calculated shot towards his kneecap. "That's not what heroes do." Wade replies calmly. Spidey rolls out of the dodge and leaps aggressively at Deadpool while snarling, "How many times has Taskmaster escaped and murdered innocents and how many more will he have to before you just put him down?" Wade dodges left, holstering his guns quickly to match the change to close combat and he punches Spidey in the head attempting to knock him out. The fight immediately stopped. Peter hit the ground hard and spat out what appeared to be a pair of Halloween plastic vampire fangs. "Jeez Spider. I thought you could take a hit." Wade jokes nervously, attempting to lighten the mood. Peter groans, curses and attempts to stand, but staggers and Wade catches him.

"Guess that was pretty stupid of me." Spider agrees with himself. "No yellow, we didn't make an antidote. We decided it would be more fun to go get tacos and then we forgot." Wade looks shocked and then asks, "So let me get this straight. You've just accidentally poisoned yourself?" Peter winces before dejectedly responding "Yes..." "And you don't have an antidote." "No. I don't." "Shit kid." Wade worries for a second about what the team will say, but still tosses the lean mercenary over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "What... What are you gonna do to me?" Peter whimpers through the toxin coursing through his veins. He immediately thinks the worst. In the merc business, if you are being carted away it usually means you're going six feet under. Peter ran a few quick calculations and estimates. If he is able to sneak away from Deadpool then he can get back to his safe house and and maybe synthesize an antidote before he succumbs to the toxin. "Help you. That's what the good guys do." Wade states bluntly as he swings Peter onto his motorcycle between himself and the handlebars. Wade is so much bigger than Peter that he can actually drive around him.

Swerving through traffic like a mad man, Deadpool makes it to Avengers tower just as Peter begins to tear up from the pain. Merely biting his lip isn't enough to keep it in anymore. "Guest to the med bay." Wade says to the microphone on the wall. "Master Stark has informed me that he disapproves of your decision, but to still give you access." a almost perfectly synthesized voice replies. "Thanks Jarvis." "Your welcome Master Wilson." The elevator doors slide open and Deadpool carries Peter bridal style into the med bay. 

Bruce is waiting as the team doctor and Tony is standing in the doorway with a single repulsor glove on his hand. After shooing Wade out of the room Iron man sits down and utters one word, "Talk." Peter sighs, "Great. Well I am apparently awful at torturing during interrogation and as a Merc it is kinda a job requirement. So I leaned on my chemistry skills to make a toxin that would do the torture for me and I loaded it into a pair of fangs to match my spider motif. It wasn't a problem until my fight with Deadpool today and I bit my lip when he punched me. And the idiot that I am I haven't synthesized an antidote yet. So I am royally fucked." Peter ended bluntly. Bruce leans into the conversation, "You wouldn't happen to have any of the toxin on you?" Spidey nods and shakily hands Bruce a vial from his belt that they forgot to take from him. "It usually takes six days to kill it's victim and they're normal. I have slight healing powers so who know how long, drawn out and sucky this could get." Tony groans, "Fine we'll help, but no weapons in the house and you'll be wearing normal clothes, not that costume, we'll need tests and besides that it smells awful."

Tony goes to get him some clothes while Bruce keeps him company. "So. You used to be a scientist?" Bruce says as if he's talking to a normal person. "Yeah. Used to be a hero. Used to be in a family. I used to do a lot of things." Peter snaps slightly with a partly hysterical tone. "Oh." Bruce backpedals. "You'll have to take that mask off you know." Peter grins, "Yeah. I'm just waiting to do a big reveal." A few minutes pass before Tony returns. "Here you go Mercenary." he quips. Oh the irony, Tony presents Spidey with a red t-shirt and blue shorts. "Got a bathroom around here?" He asks. Bruce points him in the right direction. He staggers over and almost takes out a desk full of medical equipment before he reaches the door and steps inside. 

Deadpool sneaks into the doorway as Peter steps back out. "Holy shit." Wade mutters as the others are speechless. Sure he looks like shit from the toxin and like he hasn't slept in a month, but he looks like he's young enough to be still going to high school. The Spider, legendary mercenary, is a teenager. "Geez kid. How old are you? Does your mother know you're a supervillian?" Tony barks a laugh. "Seventeen almost eighteen... And no. I can't even remember her." Peter snaps. 

Bruce grabs him by the arm and leads him back to the bed. He sits Peter down with his back facing Tony and Wade. After shooing at Iron man and Deadpool he sighs and asks, "Kiddo we are gonna figure out your name anyway. Will you please just tell it to me? It would make this less of a hassle and be a decent show of good faith for Steve." Spidey nods "Peter Benjamin Parker. Nice to meet you." "Bruce Banner, but you probably know me as the Hulk." the small, kind scientist replies as if it is the most normal thing in the world. "So... You're telling me that you are the big green rage monster I saw during the battle of New York? No offense, but you're way too sweet for that." Peter scoffs. "Yeah that would be me.", Bruce musses his hair sheepishly, "Although, after the fight I was talking to Thor and he told me a story about you lending a hand. The way he told it you'd think you were the most valiant hero in all of Norse Mythology." Peter looked like he was about to make up some excuse for him to give an assist, but Tony rushed around the corner and yelled, "Come on Bruce! It's Science Bros time!" Tony then dashed off as quickly as he arrived, while Bruce face-palmed hard. "I have to go take this..."


	2. Back Story Time!

A minute later he was joined by none other than Deadpool himself. "So Pooly, you my new Avengers babysitter?" Peter quips. "Not really. No. I just... wanted to talk." Wade says nervously. "Well. I'm all ears." Peter jokes mirthlessly. "How are you feeling?" Wade asks conversationally. "Half way between being burned alive from the inside out and that time a supervillian threw a car at me while I wasn't looking." Peter spits out honestly. Wade ignores the venom in his words and asks, "A supervillian? I thought you avoided them like the plague." "Well I used to be in the hero business until I learned the hard way that criminals just come back and kill again." He mutters darkly. "Well...", Wade awkwardly changes the subject, "We kinda forced you to give up your identity. So, I'm Wade Wilson. Nice to meet you." He pulls off his mask slowly to reveal scars and open wounds covering his face. He has a doofy kind of grin. Suddenly the scientist in Peter sparks to the surface and he starts babbling a thousand questions about the scars and Wade's healing factor. "Dude," Wade puts his arms up in defeat, "I'll tell you my story if you'll tell me yours." Peter nods quickly, but later he'll say something about his science side getting the better of him.

Well. I was at a class trip to OsCorp when this random spider went and bit me. Then I could walk up walls, lift cars and sense when someone was going to attack me. At first I couldn't figure out what to do with my powers. I kept them a secret from everyone. I joined a fight club to make some money on the side of being a crummy photographer. When this guy stuck up the manager who just swindled me out of most of my earnings I didn't even attempt to stop him. Figured my boss deserved it. That week he killed my Uncle Ben. He had always said "With great power comes great responsibility." So I tracked down his killer and put him behind bars. After that I cleaned up my act. I used my powers to protect people. I even invented my web shooters so I could help even more people. Then Gwen, my girlfriend at the time, found out my secret. After a while she was cool with it, but she kept wanting to help me. I was fighting the Green Goblin and I found out he was really my best friend Harry. Gwen tried to solve the situatation with words, but he just flung her from the third floor in an attempt to distract me. I caught her, but the whiplash...

Anyway I went after him full force. I beat him down and when he called his hoverboard over to impale me I simply dodged it. He died gagging on his own blood and while I didn't kill him, I didn't save him either. That felt creepily satisfying. The man who killed Uncle Ben making bail and later that month he mugged Aunt May in a back alley. She must have struggled and he shot her too. It wasn't a clean shot though. She had to have spent forever in that alley bleeding out while I searched for her. *sniff* When I found him I "accidentally" suffocated him in webs. Soon Kingpin called me over to make a few hits on some guys in Hell's Kitchen and that's how I started my life as the Spider. 

It was either work underground as a mercenary or be turned over to the orphanage and foster care system. I've seen what it's like in this city and I never want to go there. So I killed bad guys to save innocents. The one time I got a truly innocent mark I paid another Merc I knew to do it for me. And that's it. My fucking awful life for ya.

 

Wade is speechless and that's a rare state for him. This kid has been through more hardship in the last four years than he has in his entire life. He didn't know how to respond, but thankfully Peter didn't make him. "Well, you promised me a story Mr. Wilson." "Oh, yeah." he says in a hollow voice. He almost feels like patting Peter on the back and telling him it will all be okay, but he knows it won't be. He's been arrested and he'll be tried for his crimes. And with that dark thought he launches into his own take of slightly less woe.

Well when I was your age I was in foster care and I had cancer. Prostate, liver, brain, and lungs, ya know. All the things you can live without. The make-a-wish foundation showed up and my wish was to meet Captain America. He was my hero. He told me I was more brave than some soldiers he knew and that I would make a great hero. He have me his number in case I wanted to talk and he even sent me a get well soon card. A few weeks later some men from a Canadian program approached me about a experimental treatment and I figured, "I'm already dying. What do I have to lose?" Turns out they cured me of death and wanted me for a weapon. They trained me as their own personal assassin and I learned the art of swordplay and quickly became the best shot in all of Weapon X. The second I gained their trust I snuck off and called Cap. Soon the Avengers were there. They rescued me and I've stuck with them ever since.

"Well. It's been a nice chat, but I have a feeling at least one of your teammates wants to either interrogate or threaten me." Peter jokes calmly, like he doesn't mind. "Actually yes." Hawkeye walls through the door where he had been spying. "Well, I'll see you later, Peter." Deadpool grins. "Talk to ya later, Dea- um.. Wade." Wade chuckles as he wanders out the door. Hawkeye slides through the door and actually shuts it. Yellow probably muttered something like "Uh-oh." because Peter heckles, "Yeah right. Textbook scare tactics are supposed make a legendary mercenary spill his shit?" Hawkeye grins slightly, but is still obviously tense. He isn't wearing his bow or quiver, but Peter can clearly make out the bulges of several concealed weapons. Likely a handful of throwing knifes and a 9mm pistol.

"So hotshot. All of that true?" Hawkeye says with a small hint of threat in his voice. Spidey decides to be honest, "Unfortunately yes. That's my personal trip to the dark side." Peter almost growls. His face twisting in his malice to show an anger uncommon in most teenaged boys. The expression almost screamed, "How dare you listen in." Hawkeye didn't even flinch. "Well. You've been 'captured'." Hawkeye does air quotes with his fingers, "So you'll be going on trial. You can give us information on Kingpin for our friend Daredevil and get lenancy 28th your sentence. If you don't, I can personally guarantee that your cellmate will be Doc Ock." "No. You wouldn't... You couldn't." Peter squirms with mild terror in his eyes, "That freak has been perving on me and my powers since I got them!" Hawkeye throws his hands up and sighs, "It's your choice Peter." He behind to walk out the door, but Peter stops him. "Fine! Whatever you need." Hawkeye smiles genuinely and calmly says, "Okay. I'll go get you a lawyer kiddo."


	3. Enter Matt Murdock

Bruce and Tony had been scurrying in and out of Peter's tiny hospital-style room all morning. They were taking tests and data down to with comments that held both disgust and pride towards Peter's little concoction. That is, until a sunglassed man in a suit with a cane that clearly marked him as blind walked in and took a seat when he shouldn't have known where it was. He leans his cane against the side of the bed and calmly introduces himself. "My name is Matt Murdock, I'm your attorney (avacado) at law." Peter mentally curses, "Why isn't anyone afraid of mercenaries anymore?" but on the outside he huffs and says, "So? Where should I start."

Peter spills everything and anything he can recall. Where he met up with Kingpin. What Kingpin's real name is. What businesses he's corrupted in Hell's Kitchen. Where he hires his goons from. Even his twisted way of thinking he's the hero. In his yammering he accidentally spills more of his backstory. How he'd been held against his will and blackmailed into doing Kingpin's dirty work. That is where Murdock finally stopped him.

"You're being a great help kid. And I'll definitely take all the information you can give me, but let me help you now." Murdock opened his briefcase and pulled out a file folder marked "Peter Parker vs The State of New York" Peter began to leaf through piles of legal notes and forms not understanding any of it until Murdock explained. "It's just a bargain. I've already talked to the team. If you take this plea deal you'll get a year of community service with the Avengers. Tony and Steve are willing to foster you here until your sentence is served. Pleading guilty you won't have to go to court and your identity will be mostly intact. You can be a hero again." Spidey sighs, knowing that this is the only chance he'll get to avoid both jail time with the biggest weirdo in New York City (Doc Ock) and foster care. And he's not all that worried about selling out Kingpin since he's not going to be taken seriously in the mercenary business for quite some time anyway. Thinking it over, Peter quickly signs the papers and hands them over. As Murdock gets up to leave Peter notices the tell-tale bulges of a pair of familiar concealed weapons nearly hidden in his waistband. Billy clubs. "Good luck with Kingpin you devil. I always kept the skylight unlocked." Daredevil pauses for a second in shock, then nods and leaves.

Soon after, Tony dashes into the room with a wheelchair urging Spidey to come down to the lab and play. Peter has been feeling moderately better ever since Banner started treating the symptoms to buy time, however moving from the bed to the chair seared with the heat of a thousand suns. He let loose a short high pitched whimper, but from then on he was able to control himself and bite back the pain. He wheeled along behind Tony, somewhat happy to be out of that room. He rolled into the elevator and Tony pressed the correct button on the wall.

Bruce was mildly worried about Peter not being in bed, but his excitement to talk science with him shined in his eyes. "I have never seen anything quite like this before." He later complements. With Peter there to guide the process and work his steps backwards, the antidote was found within the hour. Bruce filled a needle with it and immediately injected it in Peter's arm with the look of someone completely certain of their calculations. The pain dulled and Peter breathes a sigh of relief with a breath he didn't realize he was holding in, worrying being one of his traits that has only heightened since his induction to villainy. They all grin triumphantly. 

"Well science boy. What should we do next?" Tony quips. "Wanna help me fix my web shooters?" Peter asks tentatively. "Hell yes." Bruce answers for the both of them. They played in the lab all afternoon and by dinner time he was feeling well enough to eat with the team in the main dining hall. Gossip spreads through Stark tower like wildfire and everyone had heard his story by the time he had sat down at the table. Tony, Cap, Wade and Thor did most of the talking, accompanied occasionally by a sarcastic comment from Clint or a muttered agreement from Bruce or Natasha. The conversation turned to Spidey inevitably.

"So. Peter. Wanna play target practice with me tomorrow?" Clint offers. Bruce warns, "He may not be well enough yet." 

"I think I'll be up to par with my healing factor. I'm not exactly Deadpool over here, but I should be fine." Peter says honestly. "Great. Then I would like a sparring match tomorrow morning. Eight AM sharp." Natasha requests forcefully. Tony pulls up a holo-screen and starts reading out the schedule, "Well, we have team training at 1, and a meeting with Fury at 4:30. So we'll see you in the lab after Tasha kicks your ass, right Spidey?" Tony nonchalantly quips. "Yeah right." Peter rolls his eyes and giggles slightly as Nat cracks her knuckles menacingly.


	4. Challenging the Mortals

Clint slowly sneaks his way into the room of the deadly mercenary with an airhorn. Letting the noise loose through the room, he laughs his ass off. Spidey springs from the bed and onto the ceiling like a frightened cat while reaching for his belt. He looks confused for a second when he realizes his knives aren't there and that he isn't supposed to kill Hawkeye. Still he growls, "What the hell was that for!?" Clint grins and answers cheekily, "Morning sunshine. Ready to get your ass kicked? Nat's waiting."

After Spidey changes into his suit they walk out to meet Cap and Tony arguing over who will win the match. "But Cap, Spider has the edge with both agility and strength!"   
"Tony. I trust Widow to have my back. Plus she has seniority over him." Peter grins and dryily comments, "So you're betting against the wallcrawling, superstrengthed powerhouse?" "No I don't gamble." Cap says firmly. "Goldenboy" Peter snorts under his breath and nobody but Tony hears him who immediately cracks up laughing.   
"I do. And I've known Natasha for years. I'll take that bet Stark." Clint slams a twenty on the counter.   
"What would the point be for me?" Tony whines, "How about loser has to paint their supersuit pink for the week!"   
"Prepare to be the Iron Barbie, Stark!" Clint agrees aggressively.

Natasha pokes her head out of the gym door and barks, "Spider. You're late!" The webhead scurries through the door asking, "Any rules for this little showdown?"   
"The 'House Rules' for sparring are no superpowers, no broken bones and no weapons Mr. Parker." Jarvis's voice rings down from the ceiling speakers.   
"Umm Widow. I have a power that I can't exactly turn off or hold back on." Peter says awkwardly. She glares in a way that practically screams "explain."   
"I, uh, have a 'Spidey Sense'. It warns me of danger. If I'm going to get hurt it goes off like an alarm " He explains even more awkwardly.   
"That's all? Alright. Use it. You can even use your agility. Just stay on the floor and pull your punches." Widow scoffs. "Jarvis countdown."

"Five." They drop into their stances. Widow with her feet spread diagonally and her arms up in a block. Spidey leans his weight back on his left foot and pulls his hands up in preparation to web up Widow before he realizes he doesn't have his shooters.

"Four." Widow grins slightly at Peter's mistake as he switches his footing to be that of an attacker. Raising his arms he checks over Widow's stance. He decides it's pretty neutral and that means she'll likely pick whatever he doesn't.

"Three." They make eye contact. Widow looks robotic while Peter looks almost pleased.

"Two." Quickly Peter decides to play defensively and Widow leans back a bit as if she is preparing to lunge.

Jarvis passes up "one" in favor of an airhorn to start the match. Its roars through the arena and Peter almost misses the sound of his own Spidey Sense warning him. Leaping to the left he narrowly dodges Widow's charge. Switching his positioning mid air he manages to kick off the wall rather than stick. On the rebound he attempts to land on Widow's back and win, but she's ready and she catches his ankle. Using his momentum to throw him over her shoulder. Almost landing face first, he puts his hands out and backflips to avoid hitting the mat. Natasha grins widely. In the viewing room Hawkeye's jaw has dropped in shock and Deadpool looks almost proud. 

The Widow returns to her calm but prepared, defensive stance. She gently motions for Peter to take the first move while watching him with steely eyes.

Spidey growls with a feral look in his eyes and rushes her with one arm knocked back while Cap tuts gently from the other room, "Bad move." 

Widow adjusts to catch his arm and roll him over her shoulder and that's the gap he was anticipating. Rapidly he shifts his stance mid-stride and throws all the weight of his charge at Widow's braced stance; effectively knocking her legs out from under her. Her eyes widen in shock as she hits the mat. From the ground she kicks his feet out from under him from the ground out of instinct. While he easily jumps the first foot with help from his Spidey-Sense, she catches him with the second and he lands face first.

Natasha jumps to her feet and offers Peter a hand to get up. He ignores it and jumps up on his own. "I think I won." He snaps sorely with a grimace. "No!" Hawkeye shrieks. Tony whoops triumphantly and with Wade's help manages to drag a kicking and punching Clint towards his new paint job.

"Well. Looks like he'll be too busy to play target practice with me." Spidey quips.   
"Wanna go for a jog with me?" Cap offers. "Stark built an indoor track a few floors down."   
"Sure thing, old timer." Spidey quips back. As they walk towards the elevators they can hear the faint screams of Clint in the distance.

Falcon gets in the elevator with them a few floors later. Noticing Steve's workout outfit he whispers, "Make sure you pass him on his left." into Peter's ear. "So Peter." Cap starts loudly, "You more of a sprinter or a distance guy?" "I think I'm pretty fast, but I know I've got more endurance than the average athlete..." Peter says fairly sheepishly. As if he were embarrassed that he didn't know his upper limits. "Well. I've got team practice later so we should do sprints."

The elevator doors opened and Cap wandered in. Totally desensitized to the technology majesty that was present even in this "standard" gym. After tossing his towel and water bottle on the bench he finally turned to see Peter's gaping mouth.   
"Yeah," Cap chuckles, "I know the feel. Why can't Tony just build an old fashioned gym." Peter takes his place beside Steve at the starting line and at Jarvis's mechanical beep they are off. Peter takes the lead for the first four laps, but soon Steve passes him.   
"On your left, Spider." He says calmly, whereas if Peter tried to talk right now it would come out somewhat raspy. After a few grueling kilometers Cap slows into a stop and Peter almost runs him over. Tripping over his feet to avoid stumbling into Cap, Spidey staggers to a worn stop. "Come on! It's time for team training!" Cap says excitedly, completely ignoring how tired Peter looks. "Well? Lead the way." he eventually gasps out, snagging a water bottle off the bench.


	5. Team Practice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ao3 is being a dick and is docking this chapter at the second paragraph for no discernible reason. It looks fine on the preview, but keeps f-ing up...

On the way to the training room, the fatigue that oozed from every muscle after my run with Cap finally faded and I was re-greeted by my almost constant companions.

{*groan* Whoa. Let's not do that again.}

What did you think Yellow? That I poisoned myself on purpose?

[I tried to warn you against listening to him. Remember life saving antidotes BEFORE tacos next time.]

Chill your shit White. It was a mistake sure, but you don't have to be a smug bitch about it.

The elevator doors open and Tony's already explaining the training exercise for the day.

It turns out team practice is just superpowered dodgeball. Shit. It's high school all over again. {Wimp.} [Nerd.] Wow. Not even my boxes respect me. {Love ya Petey!} [sorry...] Whatever, It's not like anything I wouldn't say to myself.

I chuckle slightly at my almost pun and everyone's gaze snaps to me momentarily.

{Wow. Rude!} [yeah. It's totally weird that they'd stare at the lunatic giggling to himself.] I ignore them and try to not react again.

Cap and Tony are the team captains. Tony picks Natasha and Deadpool. Cap picks Thor and me. Hawkeye is still barricaded in his room and refuses to leave it while he's still pink. Bruce declined for obvious reasons. {Aww... We're not on the pretty boy and token female's team!} [They have names you objectifying fuck.] Boys, boys. You're both pretty. Now please shut the fuck up so I don't make a fool out of myself in front of the Avengers.

The game starts and Natasha and I rush the front line. Each of us immediately trying to peg the other in the face, but missing barely. Spidey-sense really comes in handy now. {Who cares about that! Did you see Wade's ass when he turned to get the ball!?} Yellow, did you even try to listen to me?!

I back to the back line as Cap. runs after the ball. Ironman throws another one, but Thor uses his hammer to create a cyclone, deflecting the ball back on to Tony. [The physics of that move was off...] Tony stalks off the court.

Thor is next, he distracted himself and got pegged by Natasha whilst boasting about his feats at the annual asgardian games. So it's down to me and Cap now. I shuffle closer to The Captain during a lull -all the balls are on our side- and ask for a game plan. He looks like he's about to issue one, but thinks better of it and asks, "What do you think we should do?"

{Oh my gods. THE Captain America wants OUR opinion!!! Ekkk! *fangirling squeaks*}

I KNOW right?!?!?!

[He's testing you. Trying to figure out our strengths.]

I can't fuck up.

I lean closer and whisper in his ear, "You rush Widow playing up brute force and I'll rush towards DP, but last minute we'll peg each other's target's alright?" He nods and I clear my throat. "Three... Two... One.... CHARGE!!!!!" We dash as one, knowing each other's top speeds from earlier and I manage to peg Natasha in the side of the head, fucking up her hair. However Cap gets Wade in the gut and while the hit breaks the ball, DP still manages to catch it. Natasha and Captain walk off the court. All I can think is 'That was too easy', before I hear her mention something to Cap about Hawkeye owing her a spar right now. She's gonna have fun with that one. I hope Tony gets video.... Who am I kidding. Of course he will.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts with a ringing of danger and an instinctual dive to the right as a ball whirs past my head and slams into the back wall. I snag it on the rebound and stare down Wade; waiting for him to make the first move.

{Hell yes! Just us and sexy now!} [Do we have to win?]

You guys are intolerable...

[Fuck off.]

"Let's go DP. Just like old times." I sneer with a cynical grin. They may not have allowed me my weapons, but this doesn't feel all that different to our last fight.

Wade smiles back and scoffs, "So you plan on kicking your own ass for me? Why thank you." He takes a shitty bow and I toss a ball half-heartedly to start the battle. He dodges easily when he could have caught it. It's clear he wants to win the real way against me. [I can respect that.]

He tosses two balls at the same time trying to trip me up, but I parkor up the wall and launch myself off into a perfect roll so I catch the balls on the second bounce and pop up using my momentum to chuck them back at him. His jaw drops for a moment before he realizes that he needs to move and drops into an over-the-top split.

Wade jokes, "You're just showing off."

{And you're noticing hotstuff! *meow*} [You're disgusting.] Agreed!

"Says the guy who just did a split that would make professional dancers weep." I shoot back, not quite as harshly as I had intended.

He smiles goofily through his mask before he turns to retrieve the ammo. He really does have a nice ass... Wait. What!?! {Told ya. You owe me five bucks.} [*sigh* Fuck.]

You bet on that?!?! You assholes!

The world snaps back into focus with an aggressive ring of Spidey-sense in my face. Suddenly three balls are flying for my face and I may or may not have let out an embarrassing squeak before dodging to the side and directly into the fourth ball that I hadn't noticed before. I barely have any time to react before it hits me in the face. Crap.

Jarvis loudly announces, "Black Widow, IronMan and Deadpool are the victors of round one."

Four rounds later and my team wins 3-2. Natasha blames Tony, but he refuses to believe it is his fault in the slightest. Instead spouting some crap about how Thor and Cap should never be on the same team again.

Thor just gave me a good-natured, but damn near bone shattering pat on the back. "You fought well today Man of Spiders! I should enjoy fighting alongside you again sometime."

Why are they all being so nice to me??? [To lull you into a false sense of security.] {Duh... They like you!} whatever... I'm just going to enjoy it while it lasts. It's not like I can't escape if I need to...

Suddenly alarms start blaring through the building as JARVIS begins to detail the specifics of a swarm of Doombots in Central Park.

Tony snaps my attention from JARVIS by throwing my webshooters at me. "Suit up Spider!"

"What? No knives?" I stick my tongue out. "You let Wade have his katanas."

"Yeah, well I don't have to worry about him giving anyone a debilitating injury."

[Looks like we're on a leash.] {Spoilsport.} Whatever... I've fought with less.

Let's do this shit.


End file.
